Thursday, August 13, 2009

One Week

Unrelated note: Doesn't the title of this entry remind you of the awesome Barenaked Ladies song bearing the same name?

Next Thursday I leave home...forever. Sounds powerfully scary, eh? With these 12-month leases, prospects of studying abroad and finding internships, I don't plan on returning home for the summers or for more than two weeks at a time. And then after that, who knows.

Thinking too much is dangerous.

My thoughts are all over the place.

I don't know where my summer went. I barely did anything that I really wanted to do even though I spent so much time being bored and doing nothing. I can definitely say that I know what total relaxation feels like though.

For the past few weeks I've been fretting over stupid shit -- Do I really need to waste time reading this depressing, slow-paced, uninteresting Devil's Highway book? Am I bringing enough stuff? Too much? Will I get along with my roommates? Will my courses be too challenging? Should I wait to buy books? When am I ever going to grow up for real? Will I have too much time? Enough time? Am I really going to go to grocery shopping and cook for myself? Will mountains of laundry bury me? Am I really going to change in the manner that I want to? Will I become a failure?

Typical freshman thoughts, I'm sure.

And as much as these thoughts ping around in my head like those super high-bounce balls, I'm still incredibly relaxed and stress-free about everything, which is abnormal behavior for me since I'm known to worry myself about simple, simple stuff.

I also feel like I'm supposed to feel some kind of way about leaving, but I don't. I'm ecstatic about starting college and living on my own and new social experiences all that good stuff, but for the most part I'm indifferent about leaving home.

I started sorting my clothes yesterday and will probably do some serious laundry today. I realized just how much of my wardrobe I don't wear. I'm almost ashamed to say that it consists of about just as much as the stuff I do wear. There is so much old high school crap to go through and I don't even want to touch it, but it has to be done.

Everyone has been talking about all of the shopping that they're doing for school, but I'm trying to make this transition as minimalistic as possible. I've made so many revisions and streamlined my packing lists so that what I'm taking should fit into a large rolling suitcase, a medium rolling suitcase, a large rolling duffel, a backpack, and a messenger bag. I almost feel like I'm forgetting something really important.

I really don't know what I'm getting at with this entry. I feel like I'm prepared to go, yet it seems like there is so much to do between now and next Thursday. I keep hearing that I'll be missed and there are a few others that I'll miss as well, but I'm trying not to obsess over it. I guess my issue at the moment is I've been waiting for this time to come for quite a while and thought that it would be SUCH a huge deal though now that it's here I feel like I'm just going through the motions. Perhaps feelings will intensify down the road, or maybe I'll just shrug it all off. Sometimes I hate being so apathetic.

Seven days left in Sunrise, sigh.

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